Love Inspired Leadership

You Were Never Meant to Earn Love: Choose Yourself & Transform Your Relationships with Alfina Lofaro

Alfina Lofaro · October 21, 2026

Life Coach · Author · Relationships · Leadershipin

Interview with Alfina Lofaro

Podcast: Love Inspired Leadership

October 21, 2026 · 53 min

Listen to Alfina Lofaro on Love Inspired Leadership.

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You Were Never Meant to Earn Love: Choose Yourself & Transform Your Relationships with Alfina Lofaro

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Key topicsYou do not trust someone with your relationship struggles until they sound human enough to understand themMany people avoid relationship advice because it can feel polished, clinical or impossible to relate to, especially when the expert appears to have had love figured out from the beginning. Alfina opens up a more human conversation by sharing how her own early beliefs around earning love, working hard and giving more than she received shaped her relationships for decades. Rather than positioning herself above the listener, she uses lived examples to show what unconscious patterns actually look like in real life, from friendships and work to marriage and family. This gives audiences permission to stop judging themselves and start noticing the quiet relationship habits that may be costing them connection. One Yes at a Time: How We Give Ourselves Away Without Even Realising ItAlfina Lofaro knows what it feels like to become the person everyone can rely on - saying yes when you mean no, taking on more than is yours to carry, avoiding conflict, and gradually putting yourself at the bottom of your own priority list. After spending years overgiving in her own life, Alfina discovered that the biggest shifts don't always begin with a dramatic decision. Sometimes they begin with recognising the pattern behind thousands of tiny choices. With more than two decades as a kinesiologist, coach, educator and leadership facilitator, Alfina brings both professional insight and lived experience to this conversation. She explores why highly capable, intelligent and successful women can know intellectually that they need boundaries, yet still find themselves unable to say no in the moment. Her work looks beneath the conscious decision to the unconscious beliefs that can drive our behaviour - beliefs such as I have to earn love, I need to be useful, or people won't accept me if I disappoint them. Alfina can help listeners recognise where they may be giving away their time, energy, money and attention one “yes” at a time - and how becoming more conscious of those patterns can change the way they relate to themselves and everyone around them.The Relationship You Have With Yourself Changes Every Other RelationshipWe often think of relationships as being about other people - our partner, our children, our family, our colleagues or our clients. But the relationship that quietly shapes all of them is the one we have with ourselves. Alfina Lofaro is passionate about helping people see that the patterns they bring into relationships don't exist in isolation. The same person who struggles to say no at work may struggle to set boundaries at home. The person who constantly puts everyone else's needs first may do the same with money, health, family or their own dreams. And the person who has learned to seek approval or avoid conflict can find themselves repeating those patterns across completely different areas of life. With more than two decades as a kinesiologist, coach, educator, speaker and leadership facilitator, Alfina has spent years exploring the unconscious patterns that influence how people communicate, protect themselves and connect. Her own experience of giving so much of herself away before recognising what was happening has made this more than a professional conversation - it is one she understands personally. Through Love Deliberately, Alfina invites people to look at relationships more consciously: not just asking, “What are they doing to me?” but also, “How am I showing up, and what might I need to understand about myself?” Her message is that healthier relationships don't begin with changing everyone around us. They begin with becoming more conscious of the patterns we bring to the relationship - and learning to choose differently.View all topics →

About Alfina Lofaro

Kinesiologist, Coach & Author of Love Deliberately

20+ years Experience in education, coaching & kinesiology2 Amazon bestselling books2 Awards & grants won in 2026BA (Honours) Australian Catholic University, 2002

Alfina Lofaro is an author, speaker, kinesiologist, coach and leadership facilitator who helps people understand the unconscious patterns shaping the way they love, communicate and show up in their relationships.

Growing up on a 300-acre farm in rural Queensland as the daughter of Italian migrants, Alfina learned early that belonging could feel conditional - and that being good, helpful and dependable could be a way of earning love. For much of her life, she responded by doing more, giving more and becoming the person everyone could rely on.

It took years, and a painful chapter of her own life, for Alfina to recognise the cost of continually saying yes when she meant no, putting other people's needs first and giving away her time, energy and attention without realising what was driving the pattern.

That experience became a turning point.

Today, Alfina speaks to a powerful and often overlooked truth: knowing what you should do is not always enough to change what you actually do. Beneath conscious beliefs are unconscious programs that can influence how we communicate, avoid conflict, seek approval, tolerate unhealthy dynamics and repeatedly give ourselves away - sometimes one small yes at a time.

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About this episode

What happens when being the dependable achiever and giver begins costing you the relationship you have with yourself?Alfina Lofaroshares how she moved beyond overgiving and burnout to love deliberately, trust her inner wisdom, and build a healthier relationship with herself.

What You’ll Hear:

How Alfina learned to associate love and belonging with achievement, helping, and doing moreHow being the dependable “good girl” led to overgiving, workaholism, exhaustion, and burnoutHow the belief “I have to earn love” can shape our relationships, boundaries, choices, and leadershipWhy our relationships can act as mirrors, revealing patterns that need our attentionWhat it means to love deliberately through compassion, trust, communication, forgiveness, and healthy boundariesWhy listening to your body and inner wisdom matters before exhaustion forces you to stop

Resources Mentioned

✨ FREE 21-Day Sacred Insights Journey: Receive daily inspiration, soulful reflections, and journaling prompts from Carolyn Cooper to strengthen self-trust, embrace your authentic power, and lead with love and purpose.

Start Your Free 21-Day Journey: https://www.theinspiredconnection.ca/21days

🌿 AIM High Sanctuary: Discover a supportive community of heart-centered women committed to living and leading with truth, alignment, and purpose.

Explore the AIM High Sanctuary: https://aim-high-sanctuary.circle.so/commit30days

✨ Learn more about the AIM High Sanctuary: https://aim-high-sanctuary.circle.so/commit30days

What's Standing Between You And The Relationships You Want? https://alfina.systeme.io/relationship-quiz

Featured Guest: Alfina Lofaro

Alfina Lofaro grew up on a 300-acre farm in rural Queensland, the daughter of Italian migrants, in a family and culture where she learned early that love could feel conditional and that belonging had to be earned.

For years, she tried to prove she was enough by doing more. She built a successful career, gathered qualifications, gave generously to the people around her, and became the person others could rely on. What she did not realise at the time was how much of that energy was being spent away from the relationship that most needed her attention: the one with herself.

Follow Alfina Lofaro:

What's Standing Between You And The Relationships You Want? https://alfina.systeme.io/relationship-quizWebsite: https://www.alfinalofaro.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alfinalofaro/

Meet the Host: Carolyn Cooper

Carolyn Cooper is the woman high‑capacity women in business call when life looks impressive but their soul knows something is off. She works with soul‑centered, love‑inspired leaders who are done performing success and ready for results that feel true and aligned. As host of the Love Inspired Leadership Podcast, creator of the AIM High Method, and founder of the AIM High Sanctuary, she offers a potent, grace‑filled space where women tell the truth, regulate their energy, and clean up their boundaries. In this Sanctuary, they connect with deeply aligned partners, watch their businesses soar, and experience deeper joy, clarity, tangible growth, and sustainable prosperity, all from their authentic identity.

Connect with the Host:

Website: https://aim-high-sanctuary.circle.so/commit30daysInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/inspiredconnectioninc/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/InspiredBusinessDevelopmentLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/inspiredbusinessdevelopment/

🎁 Carolyn's Gifts

✨ FREE 21-Day Sacred Insights Journey: Lead, Live & Love Unapologetically

Ready to reconnect with your authentic power and lead with greater clarity, courage, and purpose?

Join Carolyn Cooper for 21 days of daily inspiration, soulful reflections, and powerful journaling prompts, delivered straight to your inbox.

Discover simple practices to strengthen self-trust, embrace your truth, and create meaningful change in your life, relationships, and leadership.

💌 Start Your FREE 21-Day Sacred Insights Journey:

https://www.theinspiredconnection.ca/21days

🌿 AIM High Sanctuary: Your Space to Rise, Connect & Grow

Ready to experience greater clarity, confidence, and momentum in your life and leadership?

Explore Carolyn's AIM High Sanctuary 30-Day Activation Gift and connect with a community of heart-centered professional women committed to living and leading with truth, alignment, and purpose.

Through live coaching, meaningful conversations, and supportive accountability, you'll have opportunities to strengthen self-trust, gain fresh perspectives, and take intentional steps toward what matters most.

✨ Explore the AIM High Sanctuary:

https://aim-high-sanctuary.circle.so/commit30days

Love Inspired Leadership is proud to be part of the High Vibe Podcast Network.

Explore Carolyn's Gift in the Vault:

https://highvibepodcastnetwork.com/gifts

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