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Stop Trying So Hard | A Simpler Way to Connect With Your Adult Child

Geoff Owen · 12 August 2026

Life Coach · Leadership · Authorin
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Key topicsGolfers know you cannot fix the shot until you read the conditions, and Geoff says parenting works the same wayGeoff has played golf for most of his life, still competes at 70, and recently shot 77 in a club competition, so his parenting lens does not borrow from golf loosely - it comes from someone who understands the game from the inside. He sees a direct parallel between good golf and good parenting: the mistake is usually not solved by forcing harder, but by reading the lie, the pressure, the weather, the course, and the conditions shaping what happens next. For golfing parents, especially those who know the pressure of performance or travel, this reframes a child’s behaviour in a way that feels immediately familiar. Geoff shows why behaviour, like a golf shot, is not something to simply correct in isolation; it is a response to the conditions around it, and when parents learn to read those conditions, they stop wasting energy fighting the wrong problem.   The disconnected child who retreats to their room is not rejecting the parent, but objecting to the environmentWhen children withdraw, shut down, become monosyllabic, or disappear into screens, parents often experience it as disrespect or rejection. Geoff reframes that behaviour as a form of instinctive self-protection, especially when the child does not have the language or maturity to explain what feels wrong. His work shows how small shifts in parental pressure, presence, and attention can change the emotional climate without forcing a confrontation. For parents of tweens, teens, and young adults at home, this creates a hopeful conversation about rebuilding connection without chasing, pleading, or controlling. Parents are exhausted because they are trying to manage the behaviour instead of reading what it is responding toFor parents living with daily conflict, it can feel as if the only option is to become firmer, more consistent, or more controlled. Geoff challenges that assumption by showing how defiance, aggression, shutdown, avoidance, and over-compliance are often different expressions of the same underlying disconnection. His work gives parents a way to stop seeing behaviour as the enemy and start noticing the environment that is provoking it. That shift can reduce pressure in the home without asking parents to add yet another strategy to an already exhausting life. View all topics →

About Geoff Owen

Geoff Owen, podcast guest

Founder of Biologically Aligned Parenting, Reframing Oppositional Behaviour Through Parent-Child Environment

Nearly 40 years Exploring child development30+ years Applying the framework as a father2 Published parenting booksOld Vic Theatre School Trained

Geoff Owen is the founder of Biologically Aligned Parenting and the author of The Parenting Assumption, a book that challenges the belief that children’s behaviour needs to be managed, corrected, or controlled.

His work grew out of a question he began asking long before he became a parent himself. After training at the Old Vic Theatre School and spending years in theatre, Geoff came across The Continuum Concept, a book that changed how he understood childhood, maturity, and the environment children need in order to develop. Years later, when he had daughters of his own, he put those ideas into practice in real life rather than treating them as theory.

Geoff’s view is direct: behaviour is not the problem; behaviour is a response. He works with parents who are exhausted by daily conflict, resistance, defiance, distance, aggression, or over-compliance, and who feel they have tried everything from boundaries and consequences to consistency, explanation, and professional advice. His approach asks parents to look beneath the behaviour and understand what the child is responding to in the environment around them.

Through Biologically Aligned Parenting, Geoff helps parents see how the pressure to control often creates the very resistance they are trying to stop.

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