Teens: What's Going On Under the Surface?

Geoffrey Owen is the founder of Biologically Aligned Parenting and author of The Parenting Assumption. Drawing on decades of observation, his background in theater, the influence of The Continuum Concept, and his own experience raising two daughters, Geoffrey helps parents move away from managing and controlling behavior and instead understand the deeper needs that may be driving it. His approach encourages parents to create an environment of greater calm, safety, connection, and trust so children can mature and thrive.

When your teen is rude, defiant, withdrawn, or dishonest, it’s natural to focus on stopping the behavior. But what if there’s another way to look at it?

In this episode of Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens, I talk with Geoffrey Owen about his concept of Biologically Aligned Parenting. Geoffrey encourages parents to view difficult behavior not simply as something to correct, but as a signal that a child may be reacting to something in their environment or an unmet need for connection, safety, certainty, and trust.

We explore how easily moms can get caught in a cycle of monitoring, questioning, correcting, and trying harder—especially when we’re worried about our teens. Geoffrey suggests that sometimes doing less can actually create more connection. Instead of immediately reacting to the behavior, parents can become curious about what might be underneath it and pay attention to the emotional atmosphere they themselves are creating.

We also talk about how parental stress and anxiety can affect the entire household. When moms are constantly rushing, worrying, questioning, or trying to manage every detail, teens may experience that pressure even when our intentions are loving. One of the most powerful shifts we can make is to work on our own state—our anxiety, frustration, tone, and reactions—rather than putting all our energy into changing our teen.

Geoffrey also offers a provocative idea for moms who feel shut out by their teens: stop filling every space with questions and conversation. Give your teen room to initiate. Focus on your own life, interests, and well-being, and allow some space in the relationship. As we discuss from our own experiences with our daughters, sometimes when moms stop chasing the details, teens and young adults become more willing to share them.

This conversation offers moms permission to step away from exhausting over-management and consider a different question: Instead of asking, “How do I make my teen change?” ask, “What can I change in myself and in our environment that might make connection easier?”

3 Key Takeaways

1. Look beneath the behavior.

Instead of immediately labeling your teen as disrespectful, defiant, lazy, or difficult, get curious. Geoffrey suggests viewing behavior as a signal and asking what may be happening underneath it.

2. Your calm matters more than you think.

You may not be able to control your teen’s mood or choices, but you can pay attention to your own anxiety, frustration, tone, and reactions. A calmer parent can help create a calmer and more secure home environment.

3. Sometimes less parenting creates more connection.

Fewer questions, less monitoring, and less chasing can create the space teens need to come toward you. Listen more, manage less, invest in your own life, and give your teen opportunities to initiate connection.

Learn more at: https://geoffreyowen.com/

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