Kevin Baker

Transcription - Hacks to Parenting Teens and Tweens

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Are you a dad with a teen or a tween and you're feeling overwhelmed and out of your league

on how to parent and connect with them?

Do you feel like you can't relate to their world but wish you had a relationship where

they trusted you with everything?

I brought a guest on the program who can help you parent your teen or tween with confidence

and build a strong connection with them.

He will join us in just a moment so don't go anywhere.

Welcome to the Fatherhood Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere

to take great pride in their role and a challenge society to understand how important fathers

are to the stability and culture of their family's environment.

Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero.

Greetings everyone.

Thank you so much for joining me.

My guest is Certified Professional Teen, Life Coach, Kevin Baker.

Kevin's specialty is empowering teens and tweens to build self-esteem, boost confidence

and overcome limiting beliefs to be the best version of themselves.

Kevin, thank you so much for being on the Fatherhood Challenge.

Oh yeah, thank you.

Thank you, Jonathan.

Happy to be here.

We're going to start out with my favorite question.

Kevin, what is your favorite dad joke?

Why did the coffee fall a police report?

Why did the coffee mug file a police report?

Because I don't know.

Because he got mugged.

I absolutely love that joke.

Well, thank you.

My kids love to roll their eyes at all of them.

As long as the dads are chuckling, then I've done my job.

Yeah, it qualifies then.

It definitely qualifies.

Well, Kevin, let's get into your story.

What is the story behind what led you to coach teens and tweens?

You know, I guess looking way back on it, you know, it all started when my wife and I decided

to have children.

That started my journey on parenthood and being a father and learning all sorts of things

about childhood development, medical issues, mental health issues, school issues, social issues,

you know, everything that gets thrown at you as a parent.

And you know, fast forward about 14 years later, 13 years later, I found myself, I was

with a lot of time on my hands.

And I had to do some soul searching and figure out how is I going to have the greatest positive

impact on as many people as possible with the time that I have here on earth.

And through a lot of soul searching and reading and having conversations and being coached

myself, I came up with life coaching and specifically for teens and tweens because I'm in the

thick of it.

So you know, it helps my personal growth.

It allows me to have meaningful purpose.

I develop all sorts of fantastic relationships with all sorts of fantastic people and that's

what drives me.

Making a difference, you know, that moment when you're having a conversation with a kiddo

and you know, the light bulb goes off and they get it and you're able to change what was

a roadblock or an invisible barrier when you're able to get rid of that so they can move on

to be the best version of themselves.

That's really the story of why.

That's my why.

And I'm here to get the message out that life coaching is not just for adults and kiddos

need positive mentors and role models and positive influence and they need people to ask those

thought provoking questions that help pull the answers out of their subconscious because

the kiddos they have the answers, they need the guidance and the friendly input in order

to help get those answers out so they can fulfill their life's purpose.

And you said on that calling, did it really ever dawn on you that what you are really doing

is leaving a legacy behind with many teens?

It did.

It did and that was part of my checklist.

I have a whole career checklist that I used to get here and leaving a legacy was a big

part of it.

I want to have my positive impact that I can make on just one kiddo.

Have that reverberate throughout the world long after I'm gone because it's like the

old story goes you hold door open for someone going into a building in the morning and before

you know they are holding the door open for somebody else.

It's the power of positivity helping encourage that mindset that'll leave that legacy behind.

I've heard it said of dads that they can either do the hard work early or they can do the

hard work later.

If they do the work and they bond with their child at infancy the teen years are easier.

Is that actually true?

Easier than what?

You know I think the entire experience of fatherhood is hard work.

You know it's really hard.

It's very important to bond with your child while they're in infant having that you know

chest to chest time.

You know let them feel your heart beating.

Let them breathe with you in rhythm.

And it's important for you to play catch with them in the backyard.

You know when they're growing up and you know it never gets easier.

It's just the challenges get different.

The challenges change.

And as long as you're present, empathetic and guide your children to make the best possible

choices that they can in life.

You know I think that's what it's all about and if you can foster the importance of choices

and the consequences of those choices so that they're aware of them every step of the

way.

Yeah it might get easier as you go but I don't know if there's a tradeoff for infancy

versus the teenage years in particular.

So it sounds like really what you're saying is what's required is full engagement from

infancy, all the way into the handoff to adulthood.

And even then there's still going to be engagement in the adult years as well that there's

never really a moment or a time in the development phases where you really let off the gas.

I do let off the gas in the sense that I like the kids to go on their own adventures.

I like them to discover who they are on their own and make choices and decisions according

to that knowing that they're going to have consequences from the choices.

I never stop giving them an opportunity to do that.

I like to put them in different situations all the time.

Whether it be engaging in different social arenas or engaging in different activities, sporting

activities, family trips, traveling, even giving them a freedom to head into the market.

And here's the money, that's your budget, here's what we need.

Come on out when you're ready.

When you're done.

And bring the change.

But those sorts of things, those sorts of things really empower them.

And they give them a sense of freedom, it builds confidence and self-esteem.

So father's job is never really done.

Talk to that dad who thinks or knows that he's made mistakes with his child or his children

and he feels disconnected from them and doesn't know where to begin repairing things.

That one hits close to home a little bit.

And the thing that I have to say is it's never too late to be the best you can be.

And it's never too late to be empathetic, to be a really, really good listener and to bond,

and to try and discover who your child is on the inside and what drives them and what

emotions they're feeling and what thoughts they're having and how their thoughts affect

their emotions and how their emotions affect their behaviors and how their behaviors affect

their actions.

And to really find out who they are as a whole person, it's never too late to get involved

and to let them know that you're ready.

But if there's their dads out there that feel like they have made mistakes, we're all human

and we all make mistakes.

The only way I know how to be a parent is from how my parents parented me and the only

way they knew how to be parents is because they learned from their parents.

And that goes on for generations.

So we all make mistakes, but it's what we do to repair them, to make amends, get rid

of the baggage from the past and not even worry about the future that much but to be present

and engage and smile and have fun and give the kiddos the dad and the childhood that

they deserve.

I think that breathes so much hope into a dad that's in that scenario where for whatever

reason he missed out or he wasn't there, wasn't present and he feels like now he needs to

make it up and he's trying to to establish that bond later.

The other thing I find really interesting is I'll use my wife for example, she's middle

age.

Both of her parents are still very, very much involved in her life and that that echoes

what you said earlier and that is that you never stop being a parent.

Maybe the way you do it changes slightly but that never stops.

So as long as your kids are alive, it's never too late.

Never too late.

Never too late and parents have different roles all throughout their lives.

So I've three children and my oldest, I was a certain version of myself.

When she was born and three years later, you know, guess what?

When we had our son, our second child, I had changed again and by the third child, I was

an entirely different person.

So each child has different versions of their parents and pare